First Dates, First Interviews -- They're Exactly Alike

Really? An interview is like a date? Sure.

In both cases, the parties are on the best behavior (or should be....). And you can get a lot of valuable information from what your date, or interviewer, does or doesn't do.

In both cases, if the first meeting is successful, you'll agree to meet again. Ultimately, you're looking for a long-term relationship, whether social or business. You may not have marriage in mind (or a lifetime job), but you're looking for more than just a single meeting. And even if the date isn't successful for you, you may know someone who's just right for that person. Even if the interview teaches you than this candidate doesn't have quite the right qualifications for the position you're hiring for, you may have a colleague or a friend who would really appreciate what this candidate has to offer.

But whether we're talking about dates or interviews, so many people get this first step wrong.

Jon Picoult had a nice column in yesterday's New York Times about the way companies mistreat candidates -- not acknowledging the receipt of resumes, not keeping them informed about where they are in the interview process, not responding promptly to phone or email questions, etc. I've had all these happen to me, and no doubt you have too.

Here's where I think of dates: if I were on a date, and my partner started making phone calls in the middle of the meal, or got up to greet someone at another table and stayed there for half an hour, or spent the whole time talking about himself, well, it wouldn't take long for me to get the message that this wasn't going to work out. And even if he called me the next day to apologize and asked me out again, I'd say, "No." Because the behavior's not going to get better as the relationship goes on.

Picoult had two great examples of the right way to approach interviews and recruiting, the first from Southwest Airlines and the second from Nabisco.

As he put it, Southwest's culture of respect means that "there is a focus on making sure that no applicant feels inferior or rejected. Many Southwest job applicants have a better experience being rejected by Southwest than they have being hired by other companies. As a result, Southwest gets the best people, and it shows in its superior financial results."

And when a Nabisco hiring manager was asked why on earth his company responded to every single resume received, whether solicited or not, his answer was illuminating: "Because — everyone eats cookies."

In other words, don't think of this date or this interview as a single isolated event. This person may not be your soulmate, but she could become a friend, a resource, a sister-in-law. This candidate may not be the one you need right now, but might be a good hire down the road, or perfect for a colleague, or ... a customer.