First, I Laughed....

... and then I got mad.

This morning, my husband got a phone call from the National Rifle Association. Since we're both registered Democrats who voted for (and contributed small amounts to the campaign of) President Barack Obama, and card-carrying members of the American Civil Liberties Association, your first thought might be, "Gee, the NRA doesn't do as good a job of list-cleaning as I'd have thought."

Which was, honestly, my first thought too. Which is why I laughed.

The call turned out to be a "poll". But first, the woman from the NRA told my husband, he should listen to a message from Wayne LaPierre, the executive vice president of the association. The message, my husband reports (sorry, I know this would be considered "hearsay evidence" and therefore inadmissible in a court of law), was that the United Nations is secretly developing a plan to ban guns worldwide, and will be coercing the United States to approve it too, unless, of course, patriotic Americans take steps now.

Then came the poll: Yes or No, Is it right for Third World dictators and Hillary Clinton to determine what rights Americans have?

I had to laugh again. If only the United Nations had such power!

But then I got mad again.

In a previous life, I worked in marketing research -- for a car company, for several advertising agencies, and for a couple of consultancies and marketing research suppliers. Overwhelmingly, the people in the business are deeply concerned with real research: with understanding the wants and needs of consumers and how marketers can better serve them. All of us were endlessly frustrated by what we called "sugging" (Sales Under the Guise of research) and "frugging" (Fund Raising Under the Guise of research). Both gave marketing research a bad name, and made it harder for us to do our job properly, as consumers became increasingly suspicious of any phone calls that began with "Hi, I'm calling from XYZ Research and I'd just like to ask you three quick questions."

But "push polls" like this one from the NRA are even worse. The NRA presents itself as "America's oldest civil rights organization", whose mission is "to preserve and defend the U. S. Constitution, especially the inalienable right to keep and bear arms guaranteed by the Second Amendment." Its webpages are filled with information for members, candidate ratings and endorsement, and news. Will the results from this "poll" be presented as "news"?

Growing up, as I did, in rural New England, I knew plenty of hunters. Many of them were NRA members, and some of them were right-wing in their politics (I'm old enough that most were members of the now-nearly defunct breed of New England Republicans: fiscally conservative but socially liberal). They would all have been appalled by this sort of fakery.

Push polls don't just have a negative effect on the whole research and polling industry; they have a similar effect, in the end, on the sponsoring organization. Remember that old saw: You can fool all the people some of the time, some of the people all of the time....? While a sermon based on lies can go over just fine with the choir, the congregation eventually gets uncomfortable. And finds a new church.

In the old days -- assuming you cleaned your lists properly! -- you might be able to get away with this. These days, you have to assume that someone who doesn't belong to the choir will hear the sermon ... and will be happy to publicize your, um, exaggerations.